I support Beckham in trademark battle, says VIRGINIA BLACKBURN | Virginia Blackburn | Columnists | Comment

They “were not in the foreground” and the “marriage was about the Peltz family,” a viewer said. Ouch! Victoria and her new daughter-in-law have now stopped ‘liking’ each other on Instagram and poor old Brooklyn – who never gave the appearance of someone likely to trouble All Souls College’s high table. Oxford – is caught in the trap. middle and seems to side with his new bride.

Personally, I wouldn’t underestimate Tor: she was the one who turned a very mediocre singer and dancer and her unknown boyfriend off the football pitch into a global brand. But quarrels are quarrels and this is the modern way of dealing with it. First, let’s go back to Instagram.

Victoria has 30.2 million followers, Nicola only has 2.7 million, so there is a clear imbalance there. But Nicola played a blind role: As the Beckhams minus Brooklyn partied on James Packer’s £200million yacht on the French Riviera, she posted a clip of Brooklyn at the 94th birthday of his grandmother thanking the great lady for allowing him to join their family.

Well done! Incidentally, the Beckhams have their own boat but it can only accommodate eight guests (plus staff) instead of the equivalent of half the population of the African continent as the rental one seems to do. And don’t be confused by mentioning Brittany: it’s the name of Nicola’s sister and not the next French location of Beckham’s triumphant European tour.

Confused? Stand at the back. Frocks – Nicola has spent the past two months showing off her glamorous wardrobe, filled with international designer names, but it seems one is missing: a Victoria Beckham. Did it go well? You guess.

Maybe that’s why David was photographed in what appears to be a giant diaper, as a tongue-in-cheek commentary on his new daughter-in-law’s fashion tastes? My bank account is bigger than your bank account.

The Beckhams are thought to be worth around £380million, but the Peltz family make a cocked hat of them with £1.3billion. But if anyone knows how to grow a brand, it’s Posh, and senior Peltz is about 30 years older than David. They have time.

Can money really bring happiness? Poor Brooklyn is about to find out.

Don’t panic! Another disaster is on the way

We had a few hot, sunny days: it almost goes without saying that a drought advisory has been issued. Prepare for a garden hose ban any minute.

You can also bet that in the fall, after a fairly light amount of rain, large areas of the country will be flooded. There’s no such thing as planning ahead, they say, and it certainly has nothing to do with planning ahead.

Lionesses are far more dangerous than lions

There have been allegations that it is sexist to call the England women’s football team the Lionesses – absolute rubbish. Lionesses are far more dangerous than lions, especially when protecting their cubs.

They also do all the hunting: I once saw one stalk and kill an impala while her mate sat on a rock in the sun, looking beautiful and waiting for the hunt to be over before joining her for breakfast. When they had finished eating, they fought over the remains of the carcass. She won.

J-Lo and me

Last week I wrote that J-Lo and I have something in common in that we both have married men we met decades ago; this week, we have considerably less in common because J-Lo just posed naked and I didn’t.

My first thought upon seeing this was, hmm. “Would you like me to pose like this?” I asked my new husband. “I would like to see it but I wouldn’t want anyone else to see it,” he said. My thoughts exactly.

I hope Ben and J-Lo make it a success and maybe, being a thesp, Ben doesn’t mind strangers seeing exactly what makes J-Lo so special. But if I was her, I’d keep it private from now on.

Think things couldn’t get worse?

The good folks at the NHS have issued a stark warning that rising alcohol consumption during the pandemic could lead to 1,830 more deaths over the next two decades and, in the worst case scenario, it could be 25,000.

I’m a bit perplexed by the “additional” deaths: I understand we’re all heading in that direction sooner or later. As for 25,000: alarmist? Perish the thought. And make mine a double while you’re at it. It’s enough to make you drink.

Britain’s Craziest Sex Goldfish

One of the pleasures of my new marital home is a pond in the garden which we have filled with a school of seemingly innocuous goldfish.

I say harmless, but every time we peek into the shoal it seems to have roughly doubled in size: it started at six o’clock and now everywhere you look there are bands of goldfish that seem remarkably pleased with themselves and move in and out of the rocks.

What are they doing there? Holding wild orgies resulting in even more aquatic bodies swimming with a smug look on their face?

Are we the owners of Britain’s most sex-crazed goldfish? I think we should be told.

No more doomsday warnings

According to new research, people who take regular naps are more likely to be in poor health than their wide awake counterparts.

In other news, earlier this year Spain was found to be the healthiest country in the world. You know the place: its whole art of living revolves around the afternoon siesta.

When will these people start treating us like adults?

Blair left all blue on us

There’s a new phrase in town: “speak,” as in “You’re talking to me.” We used to say “interrupt”.

Would anyone mention Tony Blair, in full thesp mode on Radio 4 on Tuesday, discussing the death of Lord David Trimble.

There was a theatrical pause here, a wry laugh there, and glottal clicks all over the shop: the whole thing was as hammered as a pig in a club.

Which brings up another obvious comparison to our ex-PM…but I’ll skip that one.

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